All posts by Eve Ogden Schaub

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About Eve Ogden Schaub

Serial memoirist Eve O. Schaub lives with her family in Vermont and enjoys performing experiments on them so she can write about it. Author of Year of No Sugar (2014) and Year of No Clutter (2017) and most recently Year of No GARBAGE (2023). Find her on Twitter @Eveschaub IG or eveschaub.com.

When I Am 82, I Hope I Am Like Jane Rinck

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Note: I’m sad to say that Pawlet recently lost one of its most colorful and generous citizens: Jane Rinck passed away this fall at the young age of 90 having always done exactly what she wanted to and felt was right. What follows is a poem I wrote in 2006 for the occasion of her being named Pawlet Citizen of the Year. I still feel the same way. We miss you, Jane.

E. O. Schaub

When I am 82, I hope I have the creativity to write and paint and sculpt and make music;
the courage to stand up at Town Meeting and say what I think;
the adventurousness to learn to ride a bike for the first time.

When I am 82, I hope I have the drive to make new things in the world;
the inspiration to support both young and old in their education and creativity,
and a generosity of spirit that is powerful enough to change my town.

When I am 82 I hope I change the world in my own quiet way,
with wit and wisdom
and an unselfish love of life itself.

Jane has often bid me: “Farewell!”
If by 82 I could do even some small portion of these things,
I will have fared very well, indeed.

Pawlet's Handicapped Decision

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E.O. Schaub

PAWLET— In a unique move yesterday the residents of Pawlet narrowly voted no on a measure to continue updates to the historic Pawlet Town Hall by matching a $105,000 handicapped access grant with a $50,000 loan.

“Are you kidding me?” one unidentified voter explained, “In this economy, getting triple our initial investment is just not good enough. Heck- they could octuple our money and it wouldn’t be enough. For fifty-thousand dollars I want Donald Trump on his hands and knees sanding the floors in a three piece suit, and a deep tissue massage for every town resident from a Las Vegas chorus girl.”

Varying degrees of this same sentiment were echoed at the town informational meeting held the night preceding the town-wide vote.

“For that amount of money, couldn’t we just fix all the handicapped people in town?” Eunice Staunchbaum wondered that night. Longtime selectman Keith Mason replied that, in his opinion, fixing all the handicapped people was probably not a possibility, although in fact no one actually had the numbers with them at that moment to back this assertion up. Continue reading Pawlet's Handicapped Decision →

The Rules in Our House

One in a Thousand, ,

E.O. Schaub

Sure, kids say the darndest things. Then again, so do their parents. What follows is a list of things I have actually said to my children over the last 9+ years…

It is not polite to jump at the dinner table.
It is polite at the dinner table to keep your clothes on.
It’s not polite to put food in your nose.
Okay, you don’t pour milk in your hand, and then drink the milk out of your hand.
We don’t close the produce drawer by kicking it.
No using vegetable brushes in your hair.
No standing on your sister.
No sitting on your sister.
No coloring on your sister.
No squashing your sister.
No kicking Mommy in the face.
Don’t you PUT roast beef on my forehead!
It’s a little early in the morning to be upside-down.
No, you cannot have four kinds of cereal for breakfast.
No one puts any feet in the sink unless Mommy or Daddy is in the room.
No feet on the alarm clock.
We don’t wear shoes in bed.
We do not have to sleep with the oven mitt.
Don’t step on anybody’s face- no stepping on faces.
No strangling.
No torturing.
We do NOT spray each other with vinegar.
We cannot jump on musical instruments.
We don’t pick our nose with the book but we DO flush the toilet.
I want everyone to stop throwing underwear at each other!
Do not spit food under the table!
No drawing on each other!
NO BOTTOM KISSING!
We don’t eat out of the dishwasher!
You are not supposed to crayon on the car!

    And of course, my own, all-time personal favorite:

Yes, eating your napkin is bad manners.