All posts by Eve Ogden Schaub

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About Eve Ogden Schaub

Serial memoirist Eve O. Schaub lives with her family in Vermont and enjoys performing experiments on them so she can write about it. Author of Year of No Sugar (2014) and Year of No Clutter (2017) and most recently Year of No GARBAGE (2023). Find her on Twitter @Eveschaub IG or eveschaub.com.

A Year Of No Sugar: Post 44

Greta's Cake

Birthday cake is good. I recently discovered it tastes even better when you can’t remember the last time you actually ate cake.

By special request of the birthday girl, the dutch chocolate cake recipe I made for Greta’s eleventh birthday is my grandmother’s, and ends up making an appearance in our house at least once a year. It’s one of those funny old recipes that actually uses Crisco (gasp!) and instructs you to do all sorts of weird things like put baking soda in hot water before adding it to the batter and sour the milk by adding vinegar to it.

I love stuff like that. I love that my grandmother made this cake for my mom, my mom made this cake for me, and now I’m making it for my family. I love the weird instructions that harken back to an age when people thought nothing of taking the time to trace the cake pans with a pencil on wax paper to line the baking pans with. It’s nice too, that it somehow results in a remarkably moist and not-overly sweet cake that everyone seems to love. It is inevitably topped off with my grandmother’s version of buttercream frosting which is essentially a boatload of butter and powdered sugar thrown together with a teeny bit of vanilla. That part is awfully sweet, and every year I find myself wondering (heresy!) what another frosting might be like on my grandmother’s chocolate cake… but I haven’t had the nerve to try it yet.

Of course, you only turn eleven once; not to mention the fact that we only have one dessert a month around here these days, so we really did it up by putting a small ball of vanilla ice cream on top of each slice. I have to admit, in addition to being delicious, the total effect was achingly sweet to my recalibrated taste buds; I felt instantly jittery and got a dramatic sugar-rush to my head that lasted at least half an hour. Oo- yuck.

The next night, we ate the last of the cake- and once again I enjoyed it, but also didn’t. Now a full four months into our Year of No Sugar, I really do feel like a firm taste-shift has occurred, and sweets hold much, much less appeal for me. I enjoy our monthly treat, but now notice that I pay for it: I feel kinda icky. Had it always been so and I just never really noticed?

It wasn’t till later that it occurred to me to do the math: the cake recipe called for two cups of sugar, and the icing called for three cups of powdered sugar… the cake divided into twelve slices, so per serving that would be… holy cow! .41666667 -nearly half a cup of sugar per serving!! And that’s not including the ice cream. Well no wonder I got a headache. It’s a miracle my body didn’t stage a full-scale revolt.

Greta's Concoction

A few days later some friends stopped by on their way home from dinner, and happened to have ice cream in the car for that night’s dessert. My friend Katrina said of course, they would wait till they were home- they certainly wouldn’t make us watch them eat ice cream while we ate our No Sugar “dessert”: a blueberry-and-lemon juice concoction Greta had invented while I made dinner.

Now, I was already proud of Greta’s inventiveness in the pastry department, but then she really surprised me: “You can bring the ice cream up,” she said to our friends, “Really! I don’t mind. I had birthday cake a few days ago. I’m good!”

Well, knock me over with a feather.

A Year Of No Sugar: Post 43

So yesterday it finally happened, My older daughter called me on it.

She had been complaining about how most of the kids in fifth grade get school lunch and today that meant sugar cookies. I was startled to learn that out of a class of about twenty-four children, Greta is one of only three who bring home lunch. “I know it’s hard honey,” I said feeling genuinely sad. I know that A Year of No Sugar means one thing to a forty-year old, and quite another to a nearly eleven year old.

“Mom,” she said, suddenly, “What do I get out of it? What’s good about it for me?”

“Well, it’s our family project,” I said, a little uncertainly. “We’re doing it together.”

“Yeah I know, but you’re going to get a book out of it. So it’s really for you. Right?”

Whoa.

“Well, yeah,” I said, thinking: and that would be the best case scenario. Right now, having something so concrete as a published book to prove what we’ve done here meant anything isn’t guaranteed. “But you can be part of the book too,” I reminded her, referring to her journal entries and Smoothie recipes she’s been compiling, “if you want to.”

“I know,” she said, reasserting “But it’s really for you.”

“Well, sort of,” I said lamely. “I am sorry it’s so hard.” And after a pause, “That doesn’t make it any easier, does it?”

“No.” she said.

“Well then how about I make it up to you by… buying you a fancy new pair of shoes?!” I exclaimed. Parent tip #24: when all else fails resort to outright bribery. (I should point out that we had just arrived in the parking lot of the shoe shop in order to find her a pair of “fancy” shoes for her upcoming birthday. We looked all afternoon and never did find any- this being Vermont where patent leather shoes are in significantly lower demand than muck boots- so we bought bagels with cream cheese instead.)

“Okay” she said laughing.

Phew. That was a close one. The worst part about this exchange is that she’s got a valid point. I mean, I could pull out some charts and graphs explaining the growth of sugar consumption in the US and how it mirrors lovely things like incidence of pancreatic cancer and metabolic syndrome… but she’s about to be eleven. I’m pretty sure, in the war between pie graphs and pie, I’d lose.

So the health argument is pretty much out; the “you can help” argument is marginally persuasive, but not a surefire winner. And of course, there’s the fact that I’m still searching my soul for the real Why of this project: I mean, you can have a blog or a book about anything… why this? As someone recently asked me point blank: what’s the payoff?

I’m not trying to lose weight. Certainly, I’m trying to be healthier, which, by subjective standards the whole family does seem to be. But to effectively separate me from my Reese’s Peanut Butter cups there would have to be more to it than that… What seems to be stoking the fire of my resolve is the fact that I have been convinced by intelligent, thoughtful people like Dr. Robert Lustig (The Bitter Truth), like David Gillespie (Sweet Poison), who connect the dots in such a convincing way as to make you feel as if a veil has finally been lifted from your eyes and suddenly it all makes sense.

Like any new convert, I have developed a fervor about this knew revelatory knowledge and I feel people should know about it and shouldn’t be afraid to find out- if true- what it might all mean. Like I’ve reported on other posts, the hardest part for me in our Year of No Sugar isn’t resisting temptation, it’s dealing with the conspiring societal norms which come together in a tsunami-fashion to break down the walls of our better judgement. With this project I figured that if we could just show in a dramatic way what was possible, and consequently bringing a greater public awareness to the issue, that might be enough for others to follow in a more moderate fashion.

How to explain this to my near-eleven year old? How about: “We’re just trying to change the world, honey.” I’ll try that next time, and let you know how it goes.

A Year Of No Sugar: Post 42

I know it might be a little odd, but I place a tremendous amount of importance on how I, as a parent, deal with holidays. If I have somehow failed to measure up to the idea in my head of how nice I’d like say, Easter to be, I will suffer some pretty severe self-recriminations.

I remember last Easter, for example, we happened to be traveling. Our transatlantic flight was scheduled to land the day before Easter, and so Mommy-the-Easter-Bunny spent a superhuman amount of time worrying about portable easter baskets, and trying to find suitably non-fragile, Easter-y items that would fit in her carry-on (can you imagine if Easter didn’t come because American Airlines LOST IT??)

After all my agonizing I was proud of the modest arrangement I managed to concoct on the run and while suffering from a truly harrowing case of jet lag. My ten year old Greta hopped out of bed, surveyed the tiny festive scene, and immediately summed up the situation: “That’s it?”

Oh well.

This year, I’ve been equally worried about what the Easter Bunny may have in store for us, and how it will measure up. After all, what is an Easter basket without CANDY? I keep thinking to myself, wait! Didn’t we just do this? At Valentine’s Day? At Christmas? I was shocked by the not-inconsiderable amount of treats which came home accompanying both my daughters’ brown bags of Valentines this year- and of course we’re not talking Grandma’s brownies here, we’re talking crappy pink lollipops in the shape of Tinkerbell; essentially a chemical oddity on a stick. Since when, I thought, did every Valentine have to come with an ad for the sugar industry- and Disney- attached? Probably it was only a matter of time. I’m fairly certain St.Patrick’s Day Pixie Sticks and Groundhog’s Day gummies will be next.

But after assembling their baskets this evening and putting them out I am cautiously optimistic. No, there are no jellybeans, chocolate bunnies, or Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs (my personal favorite). Not a Peep. In fact, there’s not an edible thing in them, although I briefly toyed with the thought of putting some carrots with the green tops hanging down in, just for fun, but thought better of it.

Instead, I have Easter-themed videos, some small, amorphous, but very Springy-looking stuffed animals, sparkly egg ornaments, some pretty Easter Mardi Gras necklaces (thank you Easter Grandma), and a hangman game for them to share. I put all the things out and stood back, almost afraid to look- would it be, somehow, lacking? Would the sugar-less-ness of it all just be too, too obvious, and slightly sad?

But I didn’t think that. The baskets looked perfectly festive and Easter-like, I realized . Thank God.

So I’ve at least passed my own test this No Sugar Easter… I wonder what the kids’ verdict will be.