E.O. Schaub

Pop quiz! How do you know when you’re at the end of a vacation?

When your suitcase:

a.) smells like it might walk itself to the laundry room

b.) contains coffee mugs from places with names like “Big Jim’s House of Taco-Flavored Pancakes”

c.) contains a humorous t-shirt that seemed much funnier when it didn’t belong to you

d.) along with its contents is being auctioned off in the alley next to the Best Western

Okay! That was an easy one. Here’s one that is much more nuanced: How do you know when you’re at the end of a relationship with your catsitter?

When you come home from a leisurely twelve-hour drive which involved crayon fights and championship whining to find:

a.) a trail of blood droplets leading from the garage to the kitchen

b.) a weird, distinctive, um… smell in your living room

c.) the furniture rearranged

d.) a weird, distinctive, um… guy in your living room (note: he will be the one eating your frozen dinner entree and drinking your beer)

Over the long course of my history of feline companionship I have personally arrived home to each of these scenarios in turn; I can therefore assure you with great confidence that each one is a very, very good indicator that the relationship you previously enjoyed with your catsitter is now… how shall I say it?… kaput. The responsible person in whose capable hands you left the care of your furry family members, not to mention every worldly possession you own, has suddenly morphed into someone you might not entrust with the care of your dead ficus plant. Continue reading Adventures in Catsitting →