27 Things I Never Knew Before Moving to Vermont

July 9, 2009 § 3 Comments

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E.O. Schaub

  1. How to plunge a toilet (really)

  2. What mouse droppings look like

  3. What a mouse nest looks like

  4. How m-u-u-u-u-u-ch I dislike mice (Remember Harrison Ford’s reaction to snakes in Raiders of the Lost Ark? Like that… but worse.)

  5. How to dispose of a dead mouse without suffering post-traumatic stress

  6. That real egg yolks don’t actually look and taste like styrofoam

  7. That a cow would actually make a really bad pet

  8. How to correctly pronounce “Mother Myrick’s” (even though it still sounds wrong) and what’s really in a Lemon Lulu

  9. How much I like just staying home and watching the bird feeder and gardening

  10. That birds are actually pretty cool

  11. That gardening is actually pretty hard

  12. How to make jam

  13. What the BEST thing in the world is: a hot cider doughnut

  14. What the most disappointing thing in the world is: a cold cider doughnut

  15. That showing up for the 5PM church supper at 4:50 means you’re late, (everybody knows it really starts at 4:30)

  16. That you can’t really say a polite hello in fewer than twenty minutes.

  17. That blocking traffic in the middle of the road to chat with your neighbor by their mailbox is perfectly acceptable driving etiquette

  18. That no matter what: you should always look in the cars driving the opposite direction (you may know them and need to wave)

  19. That those fluffy wild bunnies having families under the big pine tree aren’t so adorable when their tummies are full of your echinacea flowers and three rows of spinach seedlings

  20. The best way to dispose of four million newly-hatched ladybugs on your ceiling (vacuum cleaner)

  21. If there’s smoke issuing from your chimney when you aren’t having a fire? That’s bad.

  22. If there’s multi-colored mildew that’s evolving consciousness in the basement? That’s bad.

  23. If there’s lint that is growing like milfoil and emanating from every orifice of the dryer? Really bad.

  24. How many things you can put maple syrup in

  25. What beet greens and garlic scapes and creemees and Selectmen are

  26. How to eat a turnip (roasted, with olive oil and salt)

  27. How to get a bat out of the house

Things I May Still Never Learn:

  1. How to change a tire (really)

  2. How to leave the garage door open when I’m home

  3. How not to lock my car (let alone leave the keys in it)

  4. When to plant tomatoes

  5. What a teacup auction is

  6. What a basket raffle is

  7. To kill a bunny whose tummy is full of my echinacea flowers and three rows of spinach seedlings.

§ 3 Responses to 27 Things I Never Knew Before Moving to Vermont

  • Kelly says:

    I heard this on WAMC this morning and was laughing out loud! I moved to a rural town in NY from the suburbs 7 years ago, and I’m still getting used to #’s 16-18 (and when your neighbors are blocking the road talking, it is actually rude to so much as look impatient…still working on that level of patience….) Can’t wait to read more of your blog!

  • Mary Foran says:

    How do you pronounce “Mother Myrick’s” and can what is in a Lemon Lulu, please?

    • I am so sorry I missed your comment until now- when you sent it I was in the throes of finalizing my new book which has just come out, and consequently I am emerging from the black hole I was apparently in.

      But I CAN answer it, so I will: the pronunciation of Mother Myricks is actually a subject of some debate in our area. Some say “MEE-rick” and others insist the correct pronunication is “MY-rick.” There is a Mount “MY-rick” nearby for which the shop is named, but everyone in my family always said “MEE-rick.” For the audio version of the book I actually called them up and asked what they prefer and of course, they said either is fine with them. (But they did answer the phone with “MEE-rick” so I’m taking that as a small victory.)

      Mother Myrick’s is famous for their Lemon Lulu cakes which are lemon bundt cakes that have a lemon glaze over the top. I used to enjoy them, but nowadays, with my newly sensitized palate, they strike me as too too sweet!

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