All posts by Eve Ogden Schaub

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About Eve Ogden Schaub

Serial memoirist Eve O. Schaub lives with her family in Vermont and enjoys performing experiments on them so she can write about it. Author of Year of No Sugar (2014) and Year of No Clutter (2017) and most recently Year of No GARBAGE (2023). Find her on Twitter @Eveschaub IG or eveschaub.com.

Thoughts on a Dead Deer

E.O. Schaub

A deer died in our backyard yesterday. Ten years ago I would’ve found this event deeply disturbing, tragic, and probably warranting a medium-length depression on my part. Instead, I thought to myself, “Huh. Interesting.” Later, when the hunter and his friend came in a pick-up truck to claim it and promised us some venison steaks as a sort of middle-man gratuity, I didn’t even recoil with a long-ingrained vegetarian revulsion. Instead, I thought: “Cool!”

Clearly, some things have changed. For one thing, I recently ended a two-decade-long meat abstention of varying degrees. (You know, no-red-meat-but-yes-poultry – ie: “flexitarian”– becomes no-poultry-but-yes-fish -ie: “pescatarian”– which evolves into no-fish-no-poultry-no-red-meat-but-yes-eggs-milk-and-cheese -ie: “ovo-lacto vegetarian”– which ultimately, of course, turns into “I eat nothing but kiwi-fruit, orange Tic-Tacs, and dirt” – ie: “antidisestablishmentarian”.) So no longer avoiding meat of any kind certainly changes my outlook on these sorts of things.

But other things have changed too: my definition of respect for life, and what constitutes responsible eating. Where once I considered it a act of kindness and compassion- not to mention a sign of my highly-evolved sense of ethics- to shun burgers in favor of a meal consisting of fries and water, or to consume a Thanksgiving Day dinner comprised of everything but the turkey- basically a festival of starch- nowadays I realize that respect for life, happiness and well-being has to by necessity, start at home. Which is to say, with me. Continue reading Thoughts on a Dead Deer

Proposal for a New Town Uglification Committee

oneinathousandlogoE.O. Schaub

Dear Editor,

It has recently come to my attention that our lovely New England farming community is far too charming and bucolic for its own darn good. How, I wonder, is a citizen supposed to get on with the important and difficult business of growing crops, milking, slate quarrying and sugaring, when he or she is constantly being bombarded by requests from Vermont Life photographers to “move a little to the left” and “look a little more rugged and haggard in the next one- but in a good way.”

You know the problems as well as I do. Every autumn our town is overrun with the dreaded Leaf Peepers, peeping at our leaves most indecently. Then the antique hunters arrive, breaking into our storage barns in hopes of finding a charming little shop selling glass milk bottles in which they might arrange flowers for their Soho loft powder rooms, or perhaps a family heirloom rocking chair they might yank from my beneath my dying grandmother’s arthritic fanny.

Every winter, the skiers descend like locusts, wearing parkas made of yak fur and demanding lactose-free ice cream at the diner, asking where the nearest Starbucks/sushi bar/Apple store is and lamenting the failure of civilization to bring sufficient cell phone service to our area as if it ranked slightly above sewage treatment and clean running water. Continue reading Proposal for a New Town Uglification Committee

Debunking a Vicious Rumor

oneinathousandlogoE.O. Schaub

Perhaps you’ve heard the vicious rumor that road crews here in Vermont are substandard, careless, or functioning in a fashion that would lead one to believe they wouldn’t know a culvert from a banana flambe, however I’d like to set the record straight right now. The fact is, your typical Vermont town road crew is tough, resourceful, and for most of winter functioning on three hours sleep and enough coffee to choke an elephant. It has to be. It deals with an incredible variety of difficult and dangerous situations throughout it’s every working day, not just tons of snow and sheets of black ice and stubborn mailboxes that refuse to be knocked over, but crazy stuff… stuff that would probably make your average New Jersey town road crew pee its pants, and your average North Carolina town road crew run crying home to mama. Do you think they ever worry about a moose getting stuck in the gravel screener in Florida? Of course they don’t. You see my point.

But the character of the Vermont town road crew goes far beyond this. Point in fact: we all know that harsh local winters combine with a high percentage of dirt “roads” to create plowing scenarios throughout the season that would give your average road crew member night terrors. But did you know that the Pawlet road crew finds time, in it’s busy warm-weather schedule of grading roads, driving the truck, and grading roads, to create inspired works of roadside art? It’s true. Continue reading Debunking a Vicious Rumor